DWTS IS BACK! Season 25: Episode 1 Recap

I have been waiting weeks to break out my $35 DWTS Tour T-shirt for tonight's instagram, and to celebrate that the best Monday night ABC show is back on and Bachelor in Paradise (like I said previously) is OVER.


Pre-show thoughts: No new season's casting will ever match up to last season's, which brought me back to the show through Erika Jayne and Nick Viall, but also endeared David Ross and Rashad Jennings to us all.  Not to mention the insanely talented dancers Simone, Normani, and Heather Morris, all eliminated too soon.  That being said, I am very excited for the second love of my life (second only to Michael from Barney) Nick Lachey to be on the show and partnered with Peta.  I also love Vanessa Minillo because PiNaY PoWeR amirite?

Lin-Manuel Miranda just tweeted his support of Jordan Fisher (he sings a song on Moana and is Philip/John Laurens in Hamilton on Broadway) sooooo I also want to support him bc I do whatever LMM endorses.

8:00pm: Opening dance number. Sharna's red hair and Alan are in a desert with suitcases. Is this the end of Hot Summer Nights? Len just picked them up. OMG they are definitely at Universal. I saw the casting call for this opening number. The contestants are already dancing in this, so this is an early indication that Sasha whatever is not going to be good, but Nikki Bella might turn out to be a new favorite of mine. Oh look, a basketball number for Derek Fisher lolllllllll he is doing some hip stuff.

OMG ITS NICK AND VANESSA doing the partner swap with Peta and Maks. That is really actually some great casting. Also I thought Terrell Owens already won this once.  I don't even watch Property Brothers that often but I am excited for Drew Scott as well.  And of course Frankie Muniz, the square Aaron Carter.

OMG the live dance is already giving me chills, mostly due to just seeing Nick Lachey doing choreographed dancing again.

8:05pm: Terrell Owens is up first.  I LOVE THIS SHOW. It pains me that no one else truly understands how good this is. IT'S ABOUT CREATIVE GROWTH.  I remember watching Cheryl Burke on the first season of this show, which I did watch. I just took a break for about 16 seasons, but your girl is back.  Terrell Owens is going to be like whoever her partner was on the second season.  Just looked it up, it was Emmitt Smith. I think they were in the NFL at the same time. Also, just looking up Cheryl Burke, I FORGOT her first partner was Drew Lachey which was the reason I watched!!!!! How hilarious that Nick is now on the show 24 seasons later.  There is no way Drew is not going to make an appearance in his video package before his dance.

OK, he is like an old Rashad Jennings.  More rickety. He's doing a Latin dance.  Their names sort of match -- Terrell and Cheryl. I'm going to pronounce them the same way, as I talk to myself watching this grandma show by myself.

T.O.'s scores: 5 - 5 - 5 
I didn't actually think it was that bad......they are just comparing him to Rashad! Not fair! There's no way that some of these other people are going to be better than him.  Especially Property Brother. hahaha

8:16pm: Debbie Gibson "Singer and Broadway Star" ummm she's really hyping herself up, but I don't know her song, and I don't know her.  She just said she held some records in the 80s. And now she has Lyme disease.  I'm over her already.  Poor Alan has to be partners with her.  She just called showing up at DWTS as a victory because she's been "hibernating" but they just showed her performing in front of a tiny crowd when Alan surprised her.  They cannot give her higher scores than T.O.

OMG BRUNO just called her DEBBIE ALAN hahahahahahaa, but also I guess it said on screen "Debbie & Alan" because that's their couple name.

She is verbally responding to all of Bruno's comments. I CANNOT with this. She seems like exactly this kind of mom, the kind that cannot stop talking, ever.

Ohhh they danced to one of her songs. So she's the Erika Jayne of this season but worse. She has said "nervous system" like 7 times already.  TAKE THE MIC AWAY FROM HER.  [update: I just googled her and it looks like she is already a nightmare]

Debbie's Score: 6 - 5 - 6 
ummmmmm ok?

8:22pm: NEXT WEEK IS MONDAY NIGHT AND TUESDAY NIGHT? How am I going to ever go to the gym now?

8:27pm: Sasha Pieterse? Did they just photoshop her onto the poster for Pretty Little Liars? She just said she came on the show to get in shape for the wedding. #notherefortherightreasons. She seems bad but that means she will have a better arc on the show! I root for people who can get better! I feel bad for her because all the other girls on this show are T-I-N-Y.

She doesn't move very quickly.  Poor her parents, who are professional ballroom dancers.

Shout out to Ray Chew Live!  Carrie-Ann just asked Sasha if she was feeling fierce and she clearly was NOT and her answer was like uhhhh...yeah!?  I'm done with this as well.

Sasha's Score: 6 - 6 - 6 
ok great whatever, let's get to the good people now.

8:35pm: PROPERTY BROTHER DREW SCOTT! And Emma Slaytuh! That's her last name in Australian.  Wait I'm really excited for this. Since he is already a reality star, his video package is amazing. He just told her if they win, he will come renovate her kitchen.  I'm dead.  OK THIS IS WHAT THE SHOW IS ABOUT. He is having fun! There are houses all over the dance floor, and they are playing "Our House." I AM DEAD @ THIS.

Wait why is Len criticizing him so harshly? No finesse? Because he is actually a contender? And they were just being nice to the other people? OMG Jonathan is up in the Sky Box. Erin just called him out for not being on the show.  I'm sure ABC would have loved for them to compete against each other. I also would have loved it so I guess that would have been good for ratings.

Drew's Score: 6 - 5 - 5 
WHAT?! ARE THEY NUTS?????????????

8:44pm: Barbara Corcoran Shark?!!! I am obsessed with this already.  She is hilarious. She is AMAZING. She is excited to compete with other women and wear a dress and be a girl. How does she have so much energy for an old lady? I am living for this.  OMG she's dancing to MONEY MAKER. This show is so on the nose and I can't get enough. I am LAUGHING OUT LOUD BY MYSELF. Her attitude is giving me life.

Her energy is amazing. Bruno is giving her criticism and she just said "Who is this guy?"

Barb's Score: 5 - 4 - 5

8:53pm: HAMILTON STAR JORDAN FISHER. I am a new supporter because of LMM.  Also excited that Lindsay is his partner.  OMG @ her being excited to have a partner her own age. HAHAHA. The amount of happiness this show gives me is unreal.

Ok this is good. He obviously has great musicality. This is good. GOOOOODDDD. This is going to be the first score higher than a 6!!!! Did he QUIT HAMILTON FOR THIS? I'm confused. Who is playing John Laurens????

Carrie-Ann is going nuts, that's how I feel girl. How does training for DWTS compare to performing 8 days a week on Broadway? Great question, Tom.

Jordan's Score: 8 - 7 - 7

9:02pm: OMG DREW LACHEY IS IN THE AUDIENCE WITH HIS MIRROR BALL TROPHY. Nick just said the best he can do is tie drew, and he would have to take out his wife in the process, so it's a no-win situation for him hahahaaa

Nick and Vanessa are in the same video package? Is she going to get her own? Thank u Vanessa for saying "you probably know me from TRL" because ya that's the last time she worked. hahahaha

Not totally a fan of Vanessa going by "Vanessa Lachey" and not "Vanessa Minnillo." Nick just said 98 degrees was the non-dancing boyband hahaha.  Wait, how could he not bring up that he was on NEWLYWEDS?????????

I AM OBSESSED with NICK LACHEY.  I used to kiss pictures of him in magazines when I was like 10 or whatever. This is amazing. Why isn't he dancing to a 98 degrees song????  Nick just said he dreamed about getting a high five from Derek Fisher

OH MY GOD NICK ON A VIDEO PACKAGE JUST SAID HE WOULD NEVER BE ON DWTS IN 2009 OMG HAHAHAHA he is actually a hater and doesn't deserve to win. Plus he filled in the 98 degrees tattoo on his arm.

Nick's Score: 6 - 6 - 6 
umm ok whatever ppl.

9:09pm: MAKS' SEE THRU TURTLENECK OMG. Vanessa is wearing APLs to practice. Shouts out to Adam and Ryan.  Vanessa clearly loves to be in front of the camera, and is probably pissed that Nick wasted his married-life-reality-show for J. Simps.

OMG @ THE DANCING WITH STROLLERS. omg the bjorn dancing. I cannot. Vanessa is half filipino so she has to be a good dancer. She is! I am living for this.  She is also singing a lot. She is like crying tears of joy. I love her!!!!!

Vanessa's Score: 7 - 7 - 7
Highest score of the night! Ohh wait I just scrolled up and she's not. I'm wrong.

9:18pm: Frankie Muniz package is on and my HD satellite is choosing to cut out. Soooo I don't know what he's saying or if it's interesting.  Did he get in a car accident?  He's dancing to Harry Styles which I appreciate but it seems like he is doing too much.  He's ok though. Everyone is standing up??? Why?? Because he was nervous?

Wait ok, he is cute and endearing. So positive!  Carrie-Ann just called it endearing too! I wonder if she and Vanessa get along as pinays. Probably not considering everyone is calling Vanessa a diva too.

Frankie's Score: 7 - 6 - 6 
Carrie is really the more generous one here, most likely because she's a woman.

9:23pm: Is Nikki Bella one of the big draws this season?

9:26pm: Nikki Bella is one-half of the Bella twins on WWE. I used to be really into WWE so I could be into this. Stacy Kiebler was a Diva when I watched it. She just body slammed Artem which is amazing.  I do know John Cena though. Peter and I even bought a WWE rap CD once, that John Cena was on, and Booker T. Also, how amazing of a wrestling name is "Booker T"?????

I LOVE PINK SONGS. Great song choice Nikki.  The dancing is not great though. I think she lost the beat and they are struggling to get back on it. She just body slammed him again and pinned him which is funny but her dance was pretty bad I think.  Where's John? Why isn't he in the audience? Does he have something better to do?  She just said "I'm used to bodyslamming girls for a living" hahaha

Nikki's Score: 7 - 7 - 6
I guess she didn't do as badly as I thought??? Maybe it's the angle I'm sitting from so that my HD Satellite works.

One of the contestants looks like a young Leann Rimes but I don't know who it is.

9:36pm: Derek Fisher. Jordan Fisher's dad? Lol jk I know he's not. Looks like he used to play with Kobe.  I love Sharna's accent. Derek Fisher just said DWTS is his mom's favorite show on earth, and they just recorded him telling her and her freaking out. Mom just said "don't forget, Len watches the feet!"

He is dancing to Basketball, of course. He is already better than Terrell. He just has a more playful attitude, maybe because he watches the show with his mom. And probably because he watched Rashad on this last season. Wow, amazing ending. Sharna really choreographed a great dance. The camera also just showed Bethany Mota in the audience. How did she get tickets? How can I get tickets? I want to go but I don't want to wait in line. Rashad is in the audience too!

Derek's Score: 6 - 6 - 6
Idk, the angle I'm watching from is weird.

9:42pm: Who is going last? Don't they usually save who they think is going to win for last? I just googled Lindsey Stirling, the girl who looks like a young Leann Rimes. She is a violinist, that I think I've seen at a few Hollywood Bowl shows where a live band and live singers sing to a movie, aka I saw her at Nightmare Before Christmas and the Little Mermaid.  She is also a dancer apparently.  I think that was her thing --  she would dance around crazily with the violin and that's why she would always get to perform. Not totally sure though.

9:45pm: Victoria the Paralympic Champion. She's an ESPN host? So is she friends with Erin?  Wait her story is CRAZY. She can't feel her legs???? She just started walking a year and a half ago???????? WHAT?????????? This is insane and I'm intrigued.  She is also so happy. What is this song? Another on the nose song??? Her pants are so weird.  She looks like she is having so much fun!!! This is making me feel really good inside. That is INSANE though that she was paralyzed and in a coma and couldn't walk and now she is on DANCING WITH THE STARS?

Victoria's Score: 7 - 6 - 6
Len just praised her like he was going to give her a good score and then gave her a 6??? OK, Len.
Wow, she just said the neon pink was the color of her first wheelchair and first crutches, so now it's the color of her dancing costume. What is more inspirational than that???

9:55pm: Lindsey Stirling apparently has performed on DWTS before with her violin?  She is going to be good obviously since she's the last dancer. Also, love Mark Ballas. She looks like Zoella sort of, especially with her hair in high pigtails.

So is she going to start with a violin?? NO???  She has a lot of facial expressions. She just ended the dance in a vertical split which is insane. TOm is saying "Who needs a violin??? Who needs a violin?" What a fan boy! Len called it the dance of the night, which is whatever. She has already performed on the show!!!

Lindsey's Score: 7 - 8 - 7
LEN GAVE HER AN 8? THE FUH? She's tied for the top with Jordan.

Barbara and Keo are at the bottom??? They are the best. Get rid of Debbie.  Can't wait to start my fantasy league tomorrow and potentially win a trip to Hawaii!

Here are where my 13 votes went:

I think Debbie will be going home first. I think the 3 people I voted for will have a good fan base, and so will Nikki Bella and Derek Fisher.  Until next week!

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